How I wish I could take credit for writing this. It resonates deep within me. But it is not mine. It was written by Jimmy Webb. It is a song performed by Linda Ronstadt.
Shattered, like a window pane
broken by a stone
Each tiny piece of me
lies alone
and scattered
far beyond repair
All my shiny dreams
just lying there.
I'm broken, but I'm laughing.
It's the sound of falling glass.
I hope that you won't mind
if I should cry
in public
while I wait for this to pass.
Cuz sweet darling I'm
shattered
into fragments cold and gray.
Sweep the pieces all away
then no one will ever know how much it mattered
when something deep inside of me
shattered.
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It seems like, as a Christian, I'm not supposed to feel this way. I'm supposed to have "the joy of the Lord". I hope people understand, and I hope if it's okay if I feel shattered for awhile. Because I'm kind of tired of pretending everything is okay. I don't like going places. People are so uncomfortable with grief. Everyone says, the first time I see them, that they are sorry about my Mom. I know they mean it. But what is supposed to happen next? Are THEY supposed to quit enjoying life for my sake? Of course not.
I think this may be the hardest part of living overseas. There is no close friend who can be with me yet give me the space I need, allow me to feel shattered. I have those friends in the States, but that doesn't do me much good right now, does it?
It was good to skip BSF today; to sit home and sing along with Linda Ronstadt over and over and over... "I'm broken, but I'm laughing."
I so understand how you feel.
ReplyDeleteI so understand how you feel.
ReplyDelete"All the Spirit's operations, how rough soever some of them may appear, are always useful to believers, and tend to make them fruitful. To this end the most sharp influences contribute as well as the more comfortable."
ReplyDelete-JAMES DURHAM
"Answer me when I call, O God of my righteousness!
You have given me relief when I was in distress.
Be gracious to me and hear my prayer!"
(Psalm 4:1 ESV)
"But know that the LORD has set apart the godly for himself; the LORD hears when I call to him."
(Psalm 4:3 ESV)
"A man of many companions may come to ruin,
but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."
(Proverbs 18:24 ESV)
"Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it."
(1 Thessalonians 5:23-24 ESV)
Please accept this virtual hug I am sending you () I wish I could be with you to give you a real hug and listen to the wonderful memories of your Mom and your family. I encourage you to get back to BSF. What a better place to have people pray for you and encourage you in your healing! This week we are studying Isaiah's words to get away from the darkness and gloom and come into the Light of Jesus and the joy and hope He brings. I pray that for you, my dear friend.
ReplyDelete