Today was one of those days I knew would happen. Dad found fault with pretty much everything I did. Of course it didn't help that when I baked the cookies he didn't want me to bake I burned them badly. Nothing like giving him a good reason to find fault.
But, toward the end of the day, we also had a good long conversation. Not a conversation really, mostly Dad talking about everything of the last few months and including some details of the day Mom died. I was hungry to hear it. Dad told about the moments and days from her death to her memorial service and how he "did pretty well". He hates the fact that he is now crying all the time and feeling so completely awful. But as I understand it, this is the course of things. Numbness through the funeral; pain once everyone leaves and you try to return to "normal". He says he's glad I'm here. I suppose he is, although there are times when I wonder!
And I do know that his above-referenced fault finding is worse than ever due to the fact that he is grieving.
Tomorrow will be a better day.
What a comfort you are to him, that he can share his grieving with you and relive his memories, both happy and painful, and begin to accept the change that has come. Remember his anger and frustration are at that situation, not at you. I'm praying for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteHang in there, Laura. I'm so sorry you are going through this time of grief. I'll keep praying for you, and now for your dad's broken heart, too.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad that you are here because you are a salve on an open and infected wound. He needs you so badly even though it stings. When you get back from Baker, we will get together. - msw
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