In the note you left you said you were sorry, you knew what you were about to do was selfish. I wonder, were you apologizing only to the people you were about to kill? Did you realize how wide a swath of pain you were going to leave in your wake?
Did you have any idea how completely you were going to devastate the family of the girl you thought you loved? That her mother's heart would, in her own words, break into a million pieces? That the loss of Daddy's little girl would extinguish the light from his eyes? That you were taking her sister's best friend and room mate? Did you think about the fact that these sisters planned to graduate together? That now the surviving sister will have to take that walk alone? That someday when she gets married the girl who without a doubt would have been her maid of honor won't even be there?
Did you have any idea of the larger family that would be affected by the loss of this girl who was surely the bright light of the family? The grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins who would be heartbroken both on their own and for the pain of the immediate family which they can do nothing to soothe?
Surely you did not think about the hundreds of friends who would also feel powerless to help the grieving family in any real way. You probably did not realize how we will remember you in the future when our own children begin to date; how your memory will create a nagging fear inside of us as we wonder if the man our daughter is dating might turn on her, as you did on this beautiful girl. Or if the girl our son is dating might need protection from someone like you, and if our son might be her protector as the young man you murdered was trying to be.
Did you think about that young man's family? Did you think about how searing their loss would be when they learned that the reason their son and brother was killed was that he was good and honorable? Did you think for a second about the fact that this young man was trying to protect the girl you claimed to love? Did you think about the larger family and the circle of friends of this family?
Did you think about the other young man you intended to kill? When you wrote the note you did not know that you would not find him. You could not have imagined the hell this man is now living in. That he would attend the funerals of two friends in a week - friends who were killed by another man whom he considered a friend. How he would overcome his fear to speak at their funerals. These things you could not have known, but did you think about his family, since you intended also to rob them of a son and brother?
Did you do the math and realize how many hundreds of people were going to be hurt by the actions you were about to take?
And what about your own family? Did you give any thought to the fact that their grief is coupled with the horrific knowledge that their son is responsible for the grief of hundreds of others?
No shooter, you could not have thought about these things. I have to believe that if you had thought about all of the people you were about to destroy you would have realized your intended actions went far beyond selfishness. I have to believe this realization would have stopped you.