Sunday, September 12, 2010

In about 14 hours I take off for the States. I will be spending 2 weeks with my Dad. We finally found a helper who can stay at our house. She will probably have our house in such great shape that no one will want me back!

I don't know what to expect of this trip. I have been unable to grieve, mostly because there is too much going on. There is always someone coming to the house or someplace I must be. And the kids don't want me crying, so I have just had to suck it in for 2 weeks. Now I wonder if I even could cry, if given the chance. I also am thinking that the next two weeks are to help my Dad, so it would still not be appropriate for me to fall apart. What if I never "fall apart"?

I don't know anything about how people grieve. I have never witnessed it. So I don't know what is normal. Perhaps it is not necessary to fall apart. I don't know. I just don't know.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

An excellent book by a Baptist pastor is 'Don't Take My Grief Away.' I would loan you mine, but I gave it away. Grieving is very important for your mental and emotional health.

Anonymous said...

there will come a time that you will break down and it is okay in front of your dad!! He may need someone to grieve with him. You must take the next two weeks to let yourself begin the process. You have been angry at being so far away that once that is gone, it will open your heart for God to enter and begin the healing process. love you and hugs on your journey to the states. call if you need me. cdg

Barbara said...

You are obviously right now in the States so my prayers go out to you that God will be in every moment for you and that you will recognise it. Just BE and let Him take care of it all.

SprinklerBandit said...

Not sure if it's important to you, but you do have access to a counselor through the hospice. Grandpa likes her and I'm sure she'd be very happy to meet you and talk you if you want to.

sharonwilhelm said...

When my Mom fell ill, we cried and cried. then one day I said, "I'm done with that". I never cried again. Not even through the funeral. Then I thought once I got to Dubai, I would be able to stop being strong and would crumble. Nope, never did. My grieving seemed to have run its course while she was still alive. You can't know what you will do.