I am thankful to be able to say that although the past 6 months have been very difficult ones, through it all Jesus has been present - so much that I have thought anyone who doesn't have problems is MISSING so much! As I write this, part of a song's lyrics go through my mind: "You will find the blessing is worth the pain." At the bottom of this post I will include a youtube "video" which has the entire song. There is actually no video, it just plays the song. ("Seasons Change" by Ray Boltz.)
I can honestly, wholeheartedly say the blessing is worth the pain. The blessing has been the presence of Jesus, assuring me He is here, He cares, He knows, it is not for naught - it is for His glory.
What an interesting thing this is. I would not wish the pain I have gone through on anyone, and yet... yet... I wonder, is it possible to experience the love of Jesus without the pain? Because I would wish for everyone to experience the amazing, gentle love of Jesus that I have experienced.
I believe I have crossed the river of pain and come out on the other side. I feared it would take much longer, although I was assured at the beginning that "surprisingly soon it will end". I had no way of knowing what "surprisingly soon" meant - a week? a month? a year? What is "soon" ("surprisingly soon"!) to God?
There was a time when I thought I was going to drown in the river. I thought I was failing the test - whatever the test was. I remembered the words I had read on May 2nd (which I shared in an earlier post) said "surprisingly soon it shall end...if you", I couldn't remember the rest. If I what? What was I supposed to DO, because I was pretty sure I wasn't DOING it, whatever it was. I was failing, failing. I was going to drown, I was almost sure of it. I found the book and rifled through the pages looking for the part I had read on May 2nd. What was I supposed to be doing? Was I capable of doing it? Was I going to fail?
"Surprisingly soon it shall end in victory for you also - if you endure faithfully." God! You are so amazing! All you want me to do is ENDURE??? I am doing nothing else, but I am enduring! I can endure!
What an amazing comfort that was! ALL GOD IS REQUIRING OF ME RIGHT NOW IS THAT I ENDURE!
And then, practically as quickly as it began, it was over! The swirling mess inside of me was gone. I was ready to put it in the past. Actually, suddenly I felt that it WAS in the past and I was ready to get on with life.
Another part of the song is "Just believe and let the season's change." That's what it was for me. I didn't have to work. I just had to endure and believe that God was working. The seasons have changed for me now. How appropriate. The season of my soul has changed just as the season is changing from summer to fall. Come to think of it, all of this began as we were changing from winter to spring. Seasons change...