Meanwhile, I am in a fabulous bible study about believing God. This is a fascinating thing for me because I absolutely believe IN God. I absolutely believe he can do ANYTHING. However, for some reason I often believe He is not going to act on my behalf. I have learned this past week that I believe He is unwilling to answer my prayers. And I hope if you are reading this you will understand this is not a whining thing. It is not "poor poor pitiful me...God won't do what I want." It is just a factual concept in my mind. Or my heart.
At the same time, our church is in the midst of 2 weeks of fasting and prayer. As part of that one of the pastors is available (I believe daily) to pray for healing for anyone who needs it. I have to admit, that is one of, if not THE largest area of unbelief for me. When I hear of someone being "healed" I never really believe they are. I always expect the problem to return. I guess I think they are experiencing a placebo effect or something. But I am desperate on Eric's behalf and so, yesterday I very sheepishly proposed to Eric that perhaps we should go to the pastor and ask him to pray with us that Eric's back be healed. I am quite certain that Eric believes in healing about as much as I do. He didn't say no, because he will never say no to me about anything, but I am sure he is hoping I will forget about it. So here is where I am at, what I have been getting from my Bible Study:
Matthew 9:29 "According to your faith let it be done to you." How can I possibly ask for healing? I do not believe that God heals these days, and I have found that I believe He is unwilling to answer my prayers!
Mark 9:24b "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!" I am crying this out to God. I believe you CAN, I want to believe you WILL. Help me to believe!
Hebrews 11:6 "Without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He is and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him." I go before God because I do believe that He "is" (exists), and He promises me here that if I am earnestly seeking Him (for me that currently means seeking to BELIEVE him) he will reward me.
Isaiah 40:27-31 "Why do you say...'my cause is disregarded by my God'?...The Lord is the everlasting God...He will not grow tired or weary...He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak....Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." This BLEW ME AWAY this morning! Especially the very beginning: "Why do you say...'my cause is disregarded by my God'?" This is EXACTLY where I am at!!! I fully, honestly believe that God spoke to me by means of this verse today. He asked ME why I say "my cause is disregarded by my God". My "cause" is Eric's back. I prayed before I began my study this morning. I told God I want Eric's back healed and that I want it healed not just temporarily but permanently. And I told Him (again) that I need His help to believe that He can do this. And then here comes this verse! Which brings me to the "Statement of Faith" that Beth Moore has had me learn:
1. God is who He says He is.
2. God can do what He says He can do.
3. I am who God says I am.
4. I can do all things through Christ.
5. God's word is alive and active in me.
I'M BELIEVING GOD!
Wow, is this hitting me today! I am beginning to believe God will heal Eric. If he wasn't at work right now I think I'd be dragging him to the church this minute for prayer!
Please pray with me that God will heal Eric. Maybe before you get to that you need to pray that God will help me (and Eric) to believe.
In Christ's Love,